Looking Inside ME

Heyya fellas…new semester is about to start and I am pretty sure that its gonna be rough to me this time around - With zero upgrade in my FYP and my others-not-so-important stuffs that always bugging me till my very last breath. I need to clear my lil’ mind ASAP before I can start anew. People said karma is a bitch and I agree (fullstop!)…God has given me a tip of the taste of what “comes around goes around” means and I am thankful for that. I’ve learned TWO major lessons out of this not-so-good situation.

1.    Always be thankful with what you have

Yes…I am a proud person. Always walk on this very earth with head held high…I am considerate but my ego is extremely high. It’s a never for me to look back and learn for what ever happened there must be a reason. I am so in love with myself to the point that I belief nothing can stop me (hell ya..belagak gilerr). But… Today I’ve learned that nothing is permanent.

Power, money, love, and career – none of them is permanent. Only Allah has the power to give and take it back from His servant’s life. As the servant, I should be thankful for whatever that He gave me and try my best not to jeopardize His gifts to me.

A wise man told me “bila kita ditimpa musibah, ada dua perkara yang kita kena buat – pertama,bersyukur sebab Allah nak kita ingat kat dia, dia rindu kat kita sebab tu dia bagi musibah. Kedua, kita kena bersabar sebab setiap yang berlaku ada hikmah nyer. Kita kena muhasabah diri dan kita akan faham kenapa Allah timpakan musibah atas kita”

I agreed….

I was so proud and my ignorance kills me. I need to change and I am..

2.   Never lie – truth is always better

There are too many lies in my life…from small issue to big issue. I love to solve things in my ways (konon pandai sangat..) but today I realize I need to share my problems so that people can help. I have wonderful people around me that are willing to be with me if I give in my ego. “sume boleh settle” – a sentence that I always use when it comes to solving problem. Now I know it is so wrong to say that. I have a beautiful family – full with characters and I have friends that are so colourful. And I have Allah and Prophet Mohammad as my guide. These three elements enlighten my life.

I can never lie to them. A good friend will stay with you in your ugly time and cherish your beauty time. Everyone in this world will stumble once in their life. Normal people do mistakes and they repent. I am normal and I made mistakes.

But..i will never lie again because the pain that comes with the lie is something that I cannot bear. I am really sorry… I know now, the truth is always better.

I am S.O.R.R.Y

“In another life, I would make you stay… so I don’t have to say you are the one that got away…”

~By Katy Perry~

Today’s post is more on my other-not-so-angel self. I don’t have any idea why I ended up so messed up… I never thought that my decision will fall into the wrong hole…(keluar mulut harimau masuk mulut buaya…ahh!!padan muka aku!)

I mean…literally, who’s gonna know whether they have made the right decision or not aite?

BUT

It happened way too fast… I can’t even digest every detail that had happened because everything so damn blurry now.

How am I going to face you-know-who-and-i-will-never-say-the-name?

I am clueless…

And why on this very earth that the-one-god-knows ever exist?

But I guess I have to swallow it at first because hey!!! It’s not that easy for you to just walk away with shits..

And maybe because I need the very same forgiveness when I am at fault later on..(hahaha…evil laugh)

So.. for the you-know-who-and-i-will-never-say-the-name, I am really sorry because I have no bloody idea on this stupid stuff….

AND

For YOU…yes YOU… the-one-god-knows….don’t say I didn’t warn you.

You are going down till the very bottom once you lied on my face!

Confusion

It’s time for me to move on

Shed the tears that is no longer mine

To you I confessed

There’s no more road ahead.

Sorry means nothing

When all had faded away

But listen and pray

For the best instead.

I am no good girl

Maybe I’ve changed

Things become uncertain

I confused.

To be sincere I tried

As honest as I can be

It hurts…I know

But that’s how it should be.

Forgiveness is not what I seek

For you to be happy is what I hoped

Maybe it’s not me

I am deeply sorry.

~Just a post...takde kaitan antara yang hidup @ yang telah meninggal dunia~